The Other Derek Said It

19 years ago

I went to college with a guy named Derek Johnson. I didn't really know him too well - except that he collided with Kari's truck when driving through a parking lot once. But yesterday Kari got to his blog through Tara's blog and pointed out this article, which is pretty hilarious. And it totally follows 90% of the things that Kari and I say about babies. So I'm going to repost....

But really, I have to know: at what point did everyone vote that its time to get hitched and make babies? Did nobody ever take health in high school? I saw that film. Looks like a wet Saint Bernard trying to get through the cat door.

Yeah. You just think about that.

And did you miss the classic, blockbuster hit, Look Whos Talking (or any of its eight misguided sequels)? Theyre so... wrinkly. And loud. And conniving. In just minutes they have you hand-feeding them, cooing them, wiping their smelly, soggy bottoms. Putting them in diapers more expensive than your business suit. Pretty soon you dont even mind their mysterious, violent allergies to clean fabric.

All the while pointing and laughing about you with the other babies?

I mean, personally, Id rather get a puppy. Easier to potty-train. And they do tricks. But hey, whatever.

My kids do tricks. If you're relying on Hollywood's impression of child raising, you've got a lot to learn.

My dog does tricks.

You should let Mr. Awesome babysit your kids. It would be an awesome experience.

Derek I told you I would write! My dog is quite a handful and a constant reminder that children are very far away for me. And then there is always that small problem of actually having a child. Labor must suck.

Really though, I prefer to think of the car door I bought Kari as an early birthday present.

This is not an original thought, but a clever way of stating it. I would say 95% of people have thought this way on one level or another. Some people change their attitudes at 18, or 25, some at 35, some never.

It is also interesting how many people state they hate kids and then get a dog that they spend nearly as much time babying. Yes,I am guilty of this too. The pattern is much to prevalent to ignore.

Have you ever gone to work and told dog stories? Yup, you want kids, you may not know it, but you do. I know it (2 dogs and 3 kids in that order), Roo knows, and even Derek will soon know it. :)

Kids are cool! Dogs Drool!

my dog will fight your kid.

dogs are companions, they are your friends, they jump in the car and go places with you...kids are none of these things, at least not for a long time...generally, they just hate you until they get older and realize they are exactly like you...plus, if my dog whines in the middle of the night, i just tell it to shut up, i don't jump up and feed it or rock it back to sleep

my dog will force dereks dog into submission without even trying

Kari did get other stuff for her birthday! As for the baby diatribe, as one who has experineced the blisful process, it was all those things, but well worth it and I can't wait to get my grand children so they can play with your dog. Anytime is good for me!

haha, shut up anthony! your dog is a bitch - no really, she is.

ninja is just too lovable - when someone is mean, he's all, "wtf, yo!?"