soooo ....drinks?

what a sketchy transit company

Yikes, is that the same bus line someone took where the driver was arrested?

Yep.

it seems like there is a decent chance of that...

Classy!

haha, that sucks man. we need to find another way home.

Hmmm. So the other options are...
Train: expensive, less reliable than Megabus, and still requires 45 minutes of driving.
Plane: fast, way more expensive, about as reliable as Megabus, and airports are a pain in the ass.

I just want a super mario warp tube.

yeah, lets start building one of those

No you don't; you don't know what the insides of those tubes are like.