How about "moist ointment"? RT @broox Ointment is such a gross word. Say it with me... ointment... ointment.

oint

Ment

<in sal rosenberg's voice> "salve."

Ointment

Its just like Sesame Street!

T....aint.....

My taint is moist from all this ointment

HahahahHahaha. Awesome.

Derek, your ointment feels so good all over me