My website has been slow as shit. My DB, along with many of its definitions are literally 20 years old, so I revisited it. 95% of the issue was poorly defined indexes and a couple bad query patterns that haven't scaled with my data. Duh. So, remember to revisit your indexes every once in a while.

My website has been slow as shit. My DB, along with many of its definitions are literally 20 years old, so I revisited it. 95% of the issue was poorly defined indexes and a couple bad query patterns that haven't scaled with my data. Duh.

So, remember to revisit your indexes every once in a while.

Another fun thing to find is that my ORM was counting records like:

SELECT count(*) AS count_1 FROM (SELECT * FROM table) AS anon_1

wtf.

Nerd.

That is a great handle, ZPATF