My Bathroom Theory (No. 1): Washing Your Hands

Actually, urine is more sterile than the handle in the bathroom and the handle on the sink, so you're probably best off if you just piss on your hands then let them air dry when you wait for someone to open the door.



Or not.

haha

That first handle was supposed to be "handle on the restroom door."

This is probably why my mom taught me to drink my pee..

I've pissed more times outside than the average american...cause I am Asian...that and I have a small bladder. When I piss outside and it gets on my hands hell I just wipe it on someone else's clothes anyways.

Just make sure you don't touch too many handles.

I just pee on Kevi when i don't want to lose my spot at a ICP show.

i pee on farmer's markets...

yeah, and i wonder where all that water is coming from!

The only thing different is when you 'guilt wash'...like when you go in there and there is someone else there and they wash their hands and you say 'wtf'...spose I should too...but you really don't want to.

Personally, I wash my hands before I touch my dick.



Let me explain. Let's pretend today is backwards world, and the word "hands" is substituted with the word "penis" and vice versa. Got it? Good.



I'll type this out addressing "you" because it's easier, and maybe some other folks might consider what their "penis" touches all day long.





So I woke up today, got out of bed, got ready for work. Instead of driving, I took the subway downtown, having to purchase a ticket at the electronic booth. Naturally I used my “penis” to select the subway ticket I wanted, and I used my “penis” to hold on to the railing (that everyone else touches, including that filthy drunk bum) so that I could keep my balance in the subway. Upon getting to work I pushed the revolving door with my “penis” to get inside the building, pressed the elevator button for my floor with my penis, and then sat down at my keyboard to type with my “penis.” We all know keyboards are clean places (pcforalla.idg.s..._PFA141.dbp.asp SUMMARY: a normal PC keyboard was infected by more bacteria than a normal toilet seat).



After typing all morning long on my keyboard with my “penis” I got up and went to a meeting. There, I had to shake “penises” with that guy in management who I *know* never washes himself after going to the bathroom. Disgusting. After the meeting I took the stairs down, again using my “penis” along the railing, and opening several doors that everyone else touches with my “penis.” I went for lunch, and since I’m a little sick I had to cough, but I used my “penis” to cover my mouth. I go back to the office, shake “penises” with a few other people who I know do not wash, type on my keyboard with my “penis.”



After work I went to the gym and lifted weights for a while. From observing bathroom etiquette, I know most guys are filthy and rarely ever wash their hands, but it’s cool because it’s not like they’re all sweaty and touching all the same hand bars, dumbbells and barbells that I touch with my “penis” to work out with.



During the workout I drink a great deal of water to keep myself hydrated, so I go to the bathroom. I push the public bathroom door open with my “penis” and saddle up to a stall. Now, all day my “hands” have been kept protected in my fresh underwear, but since I don’t wash my "penis" before taking a piss my not so clean “penis” touches my “hands.” It's cool though, as my "penis" didn't touch anything dirty today.





Now flip the words “penis” and “hands” around in the above story. If the thought of pressing an elevator button with your dick, a public doorknob, they 3rd hand keyboard you got from the IT guy, or a subway handrail still sounds like a good idea, maybe it’s a good idea to forget about washing before you take a piss.





You acknowledge that most dudes do not wash their hands, yet you shake hands with them, touch the same things they do. I know where my dick has been. Can’t say the same thing about my hands.



This was another awesome public service announcement by Mr. Awesome.