For the first time in 18 years, I'm about to go to the doctor and get a physical and .. whatever else doctors do on regular check ups.

Good luck! I did the same thing recently with doctors dentist everything. It is terrifying!

I'm still not sure what a "physical" is or whether I've ever had one.

I think it just means taking off various pieces of clothing and getting looked at, felt, poked, n prodded. Also, blood work.

Cheek kisses.

Whatever you do, don't tell them you've ever had diarrhea. They are the hammer. You are the nail.