Microblog

Me: I keep getting the exact same Uber drivers during the day. It's pretty funny.
Kari: oh great! They probably think you got a DUI!

Every light on the main floor of our house is now smart and automated. 💪

I need someone to boxer braid my hair.

Readin through my negative tweets like... t.co/WbtRvy5wju

This weekend, I was told that I complain too much on Twitter. Is this true??? Am I that guy?

This weekend, I forgot I had my pocket knife with me and still made it through the metal detectors at the United Center. #FistPump

I have a really hard time with how cool Chicago is and how "cool" Chicago is.

omg. that vikings win.

This Blackhawks beer vendor dude just screamed, "beer colder than my ex-wife's heart"

Not super stoked about The Blackhawks game getting pushed up 6 hours, but either way, we're headin to Chicago to watch some pro hockey!

Goodnight room. Goodnight moon. Goodnight @realDonaldTrump, you fucking piece of shit.

"Do you remember when you used to like slim shitty? slim skinny? What was it?" - mom

What do people do for fun on Saturdays in the Quad Cities?

Today, I thought I passed a mint condition dodge intrepid on i80. It turned out to be a Tesla.

Quad Cities bound!

How many servings of chips are you supposed to have per day?

Doing an electronic wire transfer with Wells Fargo, $30 fee. Having them print and physically mail a check for me, free. 🤔

@realDonaldTrump your mom's a shithole

USPS offices are a scam, man.

Already got Karis Range in for service... Apparently functional defrost is something Land Rover overlooked for 2018.