Microblog

My Lyft driver and I just watched some dude almost slide into a street light and then reverse out of the situation so hard that he jumped a curb and knocked over a street sign.

I love that verse where Cardi B says she's the Trap Selena.

Really didn't expect to be troubleshooting my tattoo shop's HVAC system this morning.

Much love to @AmericanAir for keeping the connecting gate open to make our 5 minute layover work. We're headin home!

Not super thrilled about the odds of missing our connecting flight home tonight.

In the late 90s I was driving a 1963 Nova and my entire high school was obsessed with the word, queef ... My first internet screen name, on AIM, was: QUEEF63

I am kinda tired of food and beer.

College football bowl games are turning into one of those shitty children's leagues where literally everyone gets a trophy.

San Diego does not fuck around with beer

I am drinking banana milk

San Diego bound. First timer.

@RIOzay what should I put on zayturnerford.com?

In-n-Out burger doesn't have shit on B-Bop's.

Phoenix, we're comin to hang.

Also, tomorrow morning Kari and I are flying to Arizona. She is fast asleep and neither of us have packed yet. I am very proud.

You cannot out-gift Kari Brooks. She is the most thoughtful woman in the universe.

Sonos should be smart enough to identify the songs that I pipe through their system via vinyl. Catch up, dudes. It's almost 2018. t.co/9YgE7v6Zmv

Ever since getting into more voice control of my home, I've been wanting to say things like, "ok car, shift" while driving around.

I love rowing machines

Just used a urinal at my office that a decently gauged dick piercing barbell laying in it. 🤔