Microblog

Just tried to take my shirt off while wearing AirPods… which basically turned my ears into eject buttons.

Today, I saw a car with a window sticker that said, “behind every bad bitch is a car seat.” it was really cool.

I ate ONE piece of asparagus and my PEE SMELLS LIKE PISS

Sabbatical starrrrts... now! I'm takin a month off to do some camping, hang with Kari, visit friends, and have friends visit me. Stoked!

Having your power go out on your last day of work before vacay invokes complex feelings. Many things to wrap up, but… vacation starts early?

I recommend putting on The Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - BRMC album.

One of my stoner neighbors just listed his house for $420k. I’m very proud of him.

TFW you’re at a wedding and the first dance song of the young newlyweds is wonder wall… and it’s an oldie to them.

I am at a wedding! 😱😱😱

For the girl that was a flower girl in our wedding!! 😱😱😱😱😱😱

Everything is more fun when you’re douche. Ironically or not.

Yoga. I always feel so good after yoga.

Children and dogs. Terrible ideas.

Someone started a trend in southern Illinois to keep displaying Trump/Pence signs... but Pence’s name is crossed out with blue masking tape. 🧐

I am in Kentucky. It is strange here.

I’m at a baseball game and there’s a dude with a bloody nose nearby. He keeps wiping his snotty nose blood on his hands and then licking it off.

I think that I miss masks now...

My Jeep just randomly asked me to read and accept an updated privacy policy while driving. 🤔

Dinner with family, a soccer game and restaurant with friends, a graduation party, a skate fest, and a brewery... We gettin back to normalcy and it feels great.

$death

I just fed my dog a hunk of wasabi to try to reach him a lesson about begging. He enjoyed it. Dammit.

This is exciting. I can’t wait to throw back some dewskis at the finals this weekend... should I wear all my Mountain Dew paraphernalia? t.co/KpZPjX9cpK