Microblog

Isn’t it so weird that bird shit is white?

Kari, realizing that she forgot to wear her mask in a gas station, “oh great! What an asshole! Everyone probably thinks I voted for Trump!”

I guess he’s not part butthole... weird. t.co/CZ9btH8rQ8

I wish tomorrow was a day off too

I just chiseled the tippy top of my finger off, lol.

three day weekend baybayyyyy

GUILTY, BITCH. Now let’s make some more progress.

IT IS SNOWING!!!! LOL OMG!!!!!

Benny the butthole ran away tonight. I caught him in a nearby park. What a butthole.

NUMBER TWO, BABAYYYYY t.co/NYAAU4uClb

Kari took a bite of this dessert and said, “hmm.. this is cold, bitter.. and salty... just like my heart”

I really enjoy breaking traffic laws

Typing chick-fil-a with autocorrect turned on is one of the hardest things that I’ve ever had to do

Bout to do a DNA test for the new pup, Benny Brooks.. and I’m pretty sure it’s gonna say that he’s at least 25% butthole.

I just overheard Kari, on a work call, say, “stop breathing like a chicken.”

🤔

Sony’s launching a phone with a zoom lens... It uses a little periscope to fit the physically moving glass into the body. I probably won’t buy a Sony phone, but this is so cool.

My tax man just said that I owe the IRS a third of what I was expecting to owe.

carlton-dance dot gif

That feeling after you adopt a new dog and then learn that he has a pre-existing, fully torn, and untreated ACL...

2 years ago, I saw DMX perform in Des Moines and then fist bumped him at a club before anyone else noticed he was there... At the time, he seemed like he was on the up... Addiction, man... RIP

I just ordered a gold dangly boy