Microblog

In the late 90s I was driving a 1963 Nova and my entire high school was obsessed with the word, queef ... My first internet screen name, on AIM, was: QUEEF63

I am kinda tired of food and beer.

College football bowl games are turning into one of those shitty children's leagues where literally everyone gets a trophy.

San Diego does not fuck around with beer

I am drinking banana milk

San Diego bound. First timer.

@RIOzay what should I put on zayturnerford.com?

In-n-Out burger doesn't have shit on B-Bop's.

Phoenix, we're comin to hang.

Also, tomorrow morning Kari and I are flying to Arizona. She is fast asleep and neither of us have packed yet. I am very proud.

You cannot out-gift Kari Brooks. She is the most thoughtful woman in the universe.

Sonos should be smart enough to identify the songs that I pipe through their system via vinyl. Catch up, dudes. It's almost 2018. t.co/9YgE7v6Zmv

Ever since getting into more voice control of my home, I've been wanting to say things like, "ok car, shift" while driving around.

I love rowing machines

Just used a urinal at my office that a decently gauged dick piercing barbell laying in it. 🤔

If you've got an iPhone X, you should check out my buddy's innovative use of the facial recognition sensors. t.co/DuxP9GHt8X

Just walked out to my car, parked at a nearly expired meter to find some stranger buying me more time because, "man, a ride this sick doesn't deserve a parking ticket" 🙏🙏🙏

I was just debating doing a whole30 experiment, but then I read the whole30 rules and immediately changed my mind.

P.S. I want a burrito rn

Burritos are pretty much the only lunch that I ever want to eat.