Microblog

There's nothing worse than building something and having it turn out shitty.

Hey @realDonaldTrump, what's the most amount of steps you've taken while farting at the same time? I bet I've got ya beat.

I want some white wall tire stickers for my bicycle

The Google home mini is very nice.

Something just slammed into the side of our house as we were going to bed. I went to inspect and found a frozen/exploded can of LaCroix that we apparently left on the deck.

TSA was very confused by my duffle bag full of lightbulbs and dirty laundry.

Doin the Dew t.co/JgLbsmiGDe

I used to always side eye people with personal trainers (and still probably will, heh), but after getting to work with one the past couple days, I definitely see how effective they can be. I am sorrrrre.

Just worked out with a personal trainer at the Soho House. I am dead now.

Kari and I are soon going to be visiting San Diego for the first time. What neighborhood should we stay in?

Hey Chicago, I'm coming to hang til Thursday.

I love when you get a ride to the Des Moines airport and cab / Uber / Lyft drivers ask which airline you're flying out of. It doesn't really matter, dude.

First week of Broomball: realized how outta shape I am (again), scored the first goal, won.

Just went to my first burlesque show... it was v badass

About once a week, when the lighting is just right at the midnight hour, I look at my ceiling and say, "how in the actual fuck do these fucking drywall motherfuckers have jobs."

At this party.. "hi, what do you have with caffeine?" "diet pepsi and diet mountain dew" "😲😄💀 vodka dewsk, plz"

Today, I learned that wet sponges are highly conductive to electricity.

Last night, my friend Steph and I took a Lyft that jumped a curb, immediately got a flat and kept driving us to our destination. I can't stop giggling about that.

How do I unsubscribe to politics?

Consider being a badass