Microblog

Just woke up and realized that Donald Trump is actually nominated to become the president of the United States. lololol. Holy shit.

Kari just told me that she wants to be a personal secretary, but in the 50s.

Wine is great!

T minus no time until we get to park in our new garage. But first: Italian fest!

I never narc'd on nobody

Whenever I listen to Gucci Mane songs I replace the word Gucci with Brooksy.

Just installed the fanciest thermostat I could find for my heated floor and it has T9 input. Happy to find that I can still T9 like the wind

Hillary Clinton’s husband wore a fetching pantsuit to honor her nomination for US president qz.com/743526 via @qz

An old woman in our new neighborhood called the cops on me and my buddy last week for looking suspicious at the pool. Achievement: unlocked.

Do you guys ever mine for bitbuckets?

The number of gulps you can safely take from a milk jug before getting brain freeze is five. Five gulps.

laughing out loud out loud out loud out loud

Why don't cars have escape vents to keep them cooler while parked in the sun?

Being able to jump into a pool after a lawn mowing sesh is a beautiful thing.

Just mowed over a beehole and got stung for the first time in 15+ years... I guess this is where we see if I'm still allergic.

Turn up the new Gucci album

ATTENTION: my birthday is in 2 weeks.

Just had to cancel the flight to pick up my car next week because the rear differential was recalled. 😬😭

Today can EADU

MR-BEAN-MIDDLE-FINGERS.GIF