Microblog

This ball game just went from 0-0 to 10-0 in the bottom of the 6th. wut.

This old woman in front of me at Menards came to the hardware store to buy a bunch of giant butterfingers and some Orville Redenbacher, lol.

This old woman in front of me at Menards came to the hardware store to but a bunch of giant butterfingers and some Orville Redenbacher, lol.

Who wants to ride bikes to the Iowa Cubs game today?

Anyone wanna talk about gorillas and/or moms?

Our new back yard is amazing. This place is gonna be so good when I'm done with it.

"Well, that fuckin black chain link fence looks likes shit!" - a fun woman yells to our neighbor about our new fence.

Dear new neighbors... Yes, my father-in-law and I are working on electrical stuff today. No, we did not cause this power outage.

Light switch makers all use the same form factors for interchangeability but then use differing shades of white to make people like me crazy

Just poured myself a glass of water cause we have a kitchen sink now. It's p cool having a kitchen sink.

I need some new carry-on luggage to maximize carry-on-ability. What should I get?

"Hey, we were just loading up the truck to come install your countertops and realized, we don't even have your countertops, lol. oops!"

How far over the speed limit can you go before a speed trap camera gives you a ticket? Asking for a friend who just sped past one on i235.

Pretty sure I'm the only plebe that mows his own lawn in my new neighborhood.

Here's how I use snapchat now: open app, see if Riff Raff has posted anything, close app.

Dentist: you should floss every day.
Me: how bout I just keep paying you to floss me every 6 months.
Dentist: AAAAAUUUUGGGHHHH. ok.

Plz hold the door someday

I wanna eat a smoked egg. Smoked eggs sound awesome.

Did you hear? t.co/z4vNom8lyg

i don't really know what she was expecting... t.co/0XvlsqNx1Z