Microblog

I wanna be cruising around on my skateboard.

Wake up to wife screaming bloody murder outside and frantically trying to unlock the door to get back in... There is a possum in our garage.

PayPal. lol.

I just learned that Shia LaBeouf is a man.

An old dude just pulled up beside me with his windows down, whipped out a harmonica and just started JAMMING at this stop light.

Who goes to the same pizza place twice within 10 hours?

Take uber home after partying like a responsible adult... Realize you left your car parked in a tow zone the next morning. Classic.

If DJ Eight Ten plays a party, and you don't go to it, you're a dummy.

Drinking a Guinness out of a plastic cup. lol. 😭

I heard there's a really good party going on at the Gas Lamp tonight...

Just accidentally sent an open bag of chips down my staircase like a damned slinky... Damn.

"Working out is not my mood.. Vodka is my mood." - @kbroox

Just ordered an intake for my car in which the most common complaint is, "it makes your car sound like Darth Vader" ... can't wait!

Good whisk(e)y is great. I forget that a lot.

Sometimes I try to find something useful on the internet until my eyes start burning and I go to bed.

just biked to @FightingBurrito and was looking at my phone while walking in and slammed, helmet first into the glass wall next to the door.

Been itching to bust out my old soap shoes. Anyone wanna go slide on some things with me??? I have shoes (sizes 6-14) that you can borrow!

The only way to drink milk is directly out of the milk jug... followed by a big ol sigh of relief.

Goal for the week: consume less of everything.

We are grilling way too much food. Come help us eat it.