Microblog

Feels like Christmas morning

If you’re watching Kim Reynolds’s response to the state of the union, please accept our apology and just appreciate Iowa’s pretty capital building in the background.

Need to spend $30 more to avoid the $15 shipping fee. Add $80 item to cart. Nailed it.

My favorite sanction so far is the international Tae Kwon Do association taking away Putin's black belt.

War starters are queefs.

My biggest hang up with this hard Mountain Dew is: I primarily enjoy my dewskis in the morning or while driving.

My manager just called me an engineer’s engineer. I am proud of that.

It’s rarely helpful to worry about things that you can’t control

🥰 twitter.com/the...528499133366272

Yo, that donda 2 listening event was really weird.

4 day work weeks are the best. Still kinda hankering for some no day work weeks tho.

This is my best typo in a while t.co/TY1vyCNi7e

I can’t wait until I can look at some clock/calendar combo and see that it’s 2/22/22 22:22:22 and then say, “Oh yeah, baby.”

Just went to the gym for the first time in nearly 2 years and it felt awesome. I had also forgotten how much old men like to let their butts and nuts hang in the locker room.

If you ever see some graffiti or a bathroom wall that says, “eat shit and die” … just add commas.

I can’t wait see PYPL drop below $100 today.

“Nobody wants to work out to Come Sail Away by JOURNEY at volume level THREE!” - kari whisper screams as she gets home from the gym at 6am

I love it when people give me some minutes back.

You ever buy an outfit that has a cool lookin head all over it and then realize it’s Charles Manson? 🙋‍♂️

I got some jibbitz for my crocs