Microblog

I love when customer support phone agents try to verify my address and can't figure out how to say, Des Moines. This dude just straight up said: DAZ MOY KNEES

Ugh. Guess I have to go back to work today... Life is hard.

So, the guy who is supposed to be the “most powerful man in the world” is using his personal Twitter account to bully another country and threaten war...

Today I am going to listen to some chill music, do some yoga, and not eat/drink like an asshole... and maybe go for a gravel road cruise in the Jeep.

The best part of 2020 so far is that this cool girl that I know braided my hair and now I look sexy.

Winter hobby: get fat

It’s cool to call trophies hardware.

Hi, can I get a camping world bowl to go please?

I just bought wheels for my Jeep on Amazon prime. What a world.

The answer to, “should I go to yoga today?” is always, “yes.”

I am very excited for a week and a half of Saturdays.

Just got to test out my new pressure washer because it’s 60 degrees and Sunny on Christmas Day in Iowa... so weird.

I have so many throwaway photos on my iPhone that would’ve worked on my pixel 3. Shit is frustrating, man.

Kari: Wanna get a limo and a bunch of onesies for Christmas this year?
Me: ... yea t.co/XNAtc7b3Iu

Wheel shopping is hard

I’ve been checking in on four square/swarm for 10 years. 😵

It’d be cool if impeachment came with some form of elementary school physical punishment, like a swirlie, wedgie, snake bite, or punch in the fucking face.

@realDonaldTrump OH YEAH BABYYYYY!!! YOU STUPID SOMBITCH

I wish I was on winter break right now. Just chillin. Tinkerin. Hangin.

Just met up with our old buddy, Tag, and went clubbing at one of our old Chicago spots. It was hilarious, and fun, and we are very old and I am going to regret this in the morning.