Microblog

🚨 T MINUS 1 MONTH TIL MY BIRTHDAY 🧜‍♀️

I wanna go to a yoga class where farting is strongly encouraged. Hot fart yoga.

I've had my phone on full silent mode for weeks. No interruptions. Information and communication only when I want. It is beautiful.

POOL TIME

Does anyone make a good pocket fitness tracker anymore? I don't want a dorky bracelet or watch

I just ate a chik-fil-a sandwich, said, "goddamn that was good" and then ate a second chik-fil-a sandwich

Kari comes home today!! This will be very good for my health.

I cannot wait to remodel my garage.

OK. Kari's outta town for the next FIVE DAYS. Who wants to party, play video games, wrestle, swim, grill some pizzas, blare some terrible music, and set my house on fire?

Not gonna lie... It's pretty damned fun having a Range Rover during storms like these.

Thank God, it's finally raining.

Dudes. Kari just left town for the night. Let's party and trash my house.

I've been doing this thing lately where I go to bed by midnight and then wake up by 9. It's wild.

Just wired my garage up for a tesla... Just in case.

Last night, I drunkenly bid on a custom painted piano and wound up winning... I have no idea where I'm gonna put this thing. t.co/xCqSc18jR5

I really wish I would've learned how to bounce my ass before this @bigfreedia show.

Just finished putting down 54 bags of mulch... and I am now wondering if that fancy landscape design was such a good idea.

There's nothin better than the scent of, "oh yeah, I ate asparagus earlier"

As of last week, I have been out of high school for 20 years. 😲🤯👴

I love living in the Midwestern rainforest