Microblog

So... is our bitch boy president gonna revert back to the Make America Great Again slogan? ... or keep rolling with the Keep America Great one?

Quarantine stand.
Yesterday: made pizza at home. Increased the amount of Sunbasket meals that we get. Showered.
Today: installed a bidet. Ordered homebrew supplies. Brushed my teeth.

Did you shower today?
No.
Did you shower yesterday?
Umm. I don’t remember... shit. No... No I didn’t.

Were any of y'all smart enough to sell off a bunch of stock in January/February? I sure as shit wasn't. 😭

iOS is nice because there are never any bugs. t.co/YmecN8coG0

gosh, good internet connections are nice.

Is it insensitive to say that you have cabin fever rn?

Swarm/Foursquare is now giving 0 points for check-ins and telling you to stay home, lol. Well played.

Someone carved the words “cool whip” into a birch tree on this property and I can’t stop thinking about why anyone would’ve done that.

Thinking about sending an email to everyone in my address book about how I’m personally dealing with COVID-19. 🤔

Just ordered a bidet cause y’all are crazy people.

Have y’all really never stayed home for 3 straight days before?

Consider not talking about COVID19 for a minute.

A few days ago my sister told me that you can sing COVID-19 to the tune of Come on Eileen...and that has been on repeat in my head ever since.

I’m pretty sure the only way that I’ll be able to keep my grubby hands off my face is to wear a morphsuit full time. Doctors, is this an effective strategy? Y/N

I hope Siri reminds me about this important tax document in time. t.co/Gxy1V6LHoG

I’ve been working on Venmo stuff for 2 years now. 😯

Me: imma run into this small town bar and play the best music.
Small town bar: 355 songs in queue

My mom just accidentally sent me a dick pic

UGH. MEETINGS. amirite?