Microblog

Yesterday, my tattooer told me that my first and only color tattoo should be a Mountain Dew bottle.

i spy with my little eye

Blare some Post Malone today.

There are a lot of really creepy old people out there.

Hey @WhirlpoolCorp, why do the dishwashers that you make now suck so much harder than the dishwashers you made 20 years ago?

I have not enjoyed an adult beverage in 8 days and I'm gonna change that right now.

In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have gotten that 750 calorie chocolate shake to go with my 750 calorie sandwich for lunch.

How does everyone feel about calling noodles, noods?

The VW GTI is a very fun car.

I just ate a Yankee Clipper taco, because I am a Yankee and I love terrible tacos.

I really hope the dudes siding my house like this new future album as much as I do right now.

Problems with working from home: realizing it's a paid company holiday after working for a couple hours.

The local, outdoor ice rink can keep ice in temps up to 50 degrees... It's currently 71, so tonight's broomball game should be interesting.

This summer, this is gonna be me. All over Des Moines. t.co/j3PfhIFbRQ

I maybe shouldn't have agreed to have my shed knocked down and house resided the week after being sick as shit... So much stuff to move!

I lost four pounds by not doing or eating a damn thing this week... but I am ready for a burger now.

Didn't have to completely bundle up to sleep last night. 🙌 I am on the mend.

Watching Trump's press conference. Mouth agape. How can anybody be so ... I can't even ... How did ... What the ... 😐🔫

I am very excited about my doctor prescribing me with some codeine syrup so that I can ride around sipping it in my double cup this weekend.

"and no smoochin! You're contagious" - this doctor