Microblog

Doing yardwork and grilling pizzas for family today earned me 122 flights of stairs, 23,000 steps, and roughly 65,000 calories of pizza.

Where do all the iPhone cables disappear to?

At Home Depot. This old black dude walks up, points to one of my forearm tattoos and says, "you're not gonna believe this... I have this exact same tattoo." He then points to his untattooed arm and says, "you just can't see mine, ahhhhh hahahaha" and walks away chuckling

Talked shit about all the emo hip hop out right now and my office mate, @Americas__guest came through with the facts. t.co/lqgikWPr8v

Interviewing smart, young people is one of the most refreshing things.

EGGS ARE SO GOOD

Bout to use a computer for the first time in 5 days. It was a nice break. Let's see how this goes.

Today: drove home from Chicago, mowed the lawn, re-seeded the back yard, and killed a couple dozen stink bugs... but most importantly, I think I found and blocked the stink bugs' secret entrance into our house. 🤞

The drive home from Chicago always goes like this...
Illinois: we don't know how to build interstates.
Iowa: we don't know how to drive on interstates.

Headin home after a beautiful weekend in Chicago.

I am currently eating brunch at a hip hop club. It is the loudest brunch I have ever been to.

Currently watching the devil himself rock it on the keys. Jerry Lee Lewis.

Whoa, t-mobile finally acquired Iowa Wireless?? I got so many LTEs actually there state now. 📶🙌😍

My buddy, @TheKevinSwitzer gets to hang with @AndrewWK before a show in Florida and wants me to fly down for it, but I also get to see Andrew WK perform at Riot Fest this weekend... and I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

iPhone models are so confusing

Always remember

Another awesome thing that gym locker room dudes do: give themselves little blue steel looks while they pass by mirrors shirtless.

What's the deal with smokers giving absolutely no fucks about littering?

Burt's bees feels a lot better on your lips than it does on your eyeballs

Twitter threads are so weird.